The stars lean down to kiss you, I lie awake to miss you. ♥

Thursday, January 7, 2010

how to maintain a r/s

At first relationships are easy - too easy. We 'fall' in love and are endeared to the opposite member so much that we over look flaws and foibles that our friends and relatives can see (and most are often willing to point them out to you) yet in our love we are blinded.

Too often people enter into a relationship accepting "little flaws" as "projects to change". Instead we must see these flaws as being part of the character of the person we love.

Love does not remain strong and over powering forever - that mad passionate love too quickly cools to a deeper kind of love which is love, but often is confused with "not love" thus ends the relationship.

Both people must be able and willing to do the three C's:
Commit
Communicate
Compromise/concession

Being committed to a relationship means that you are giving up I for We. It means you must know your own self well enough to know when you are being "me - me" and not "we-we".

Communication goes beyond the general "how was your day" - both halves must be able and willing to say how they feel - but not in a screaming, whiny sort of way, but in a cool calm manner that expresses how one feels about ______ (fill in the blank) so the other will know that ______ causes the other to feel _______(fill in the blanks).

Communication also comes in handy later on when dealing with others and especially when dealing with children who will try to pit the two against one another.

Compromise/concessions: Both parties must be willing to give and take a little on all issues. Find a middle ground where both of you "give up" something in order for both of you to gain something.

No its not always easy this is where the communication thing comes in handy. Bartering and trade agreements should take place.

Sound like international politics? In many aspects keeping a healthy relationship does require diplomacy and an ability to work within rules and come up with satisfying terms of agreements which partially meet the needs of both parties while both parties partially compromise or give up something to keep the relationship working.

As time progresses you will learn each other's habits. although "us time" is a good idea, so is a little "me time". Us time is where both of you do things together - me time is where each of you do things by yourself.

Sure he has stinky feet, but I bet you snore - deal with it - ultimately you two will come to either accept the flaws or come to loath one another. Depends on how you deal constructively with these issues.

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In every relationship comes a time when the passion starts to go off, the chat's are more and more boring and the two of you are spending less time together. Why is this happening and how to get your relationship back to the way it was?

The answer to all of this is quite simple. Mix being predictable & being nice, and the whole problem/solution is here.

See, in the beginning you both have been very excited of the idea of getting to know each other, so questions pour in, ideas and funny behavior are coming naturally because you are with someone that you really like and want to have a fun time with!

But, this is the so called "honeymoon" period of the relationship. After that (usually a few months) both of you already have solid information about each other, and are getting used to seeing the same face over and over again, so you are getting more comfortable and don't always have to be in that high energy state that you were a few months ago (or at least not while being with her!). And here comes a mistake that most guys do in this situation. They try to supplicate their boring behavior by being even more boring and start talking to the girl about how much they love her, how lovely was the time being spend together and they start doing/buying nice things so she can see how much they care.

Need even more examples?

They'll actually even amplify their predicable behavior by making it even more predictable, just in case so they don't do something wrong and do even more damage. This totally removes the surprise element from the relationship, an element which can be one of your greatest assets to get the attraction up in a short time.

I remember a good sentence explaining this, it was in the lines of "you can't expect changes if you keep doing the same things over and over again". This was really revealing at one point for me, and opened my eyes to a lot of faulty behavior and what's even better is that this principle goes for all aspects of life, not just dating in general ... So what's a guy to do?

1) Give her lots of emotions and feelings.
This is the truly fastest and easiest way to get her attracted and the relationship back on track.
Some examples would include being unpredictable, such as rapid change in behavior (doing anything out of your ordinary daily behaviors), starting to go out to different kinds of places, occasional craziness (letting your mind loose), getting her into your own reality (try showing/doing stuff which you really like and she'll follow along) and more...

2) Don't be Easy!
Lead her along the way, don't just change your mind on her every suggestion.
Never be used by her to do things you wouldn't really do with other people. These are so called "tests", meaning she wants to see just how far you can take her nonsense.
And guess what?
With every step she'll be losing respect in you, not gaining. Think about that next time you are buying food for her cat!

3) Don't Argue
You'll gain massive respect in her eyes with showing that you are controlling your emotions, not the other way around.
Everyone can argue and burst out, but how many guys can keep their cool and don't give a mind about the problem she is making (most of the time it's just not even that important, just occasional emotional outbursts from other things)

Tagboard

Wish upon a star

bracies
be PFC
bi with me
buy a car before 2013
~~a diamond ring~~
chanel 2.55 bag (:
LV damier series bag
SLIM DOWN !!
graduate from SIM
ppl ard her will be happy
~~thailand~~ & ~~hong kong~~